Break ups are never easy, and unless you’re fortunate, everyone will go through at least one in their lives.
Heartbreak can be the worst feeling in the world, and we’re all guilty of telling ourselves little white lies to ease our suffering. Unfortunately, facing up to the truth can be the last thing you feel like doing while nursing your broken heart and refusing to accept certain things about the split could leave you obsessing about your ex for months or even years.
While accepting some tough home truths might not be easy, they could be just what you need to help you finally move on from that ex. Here are five things most people struggle to face up to after a breakup.
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1. You have to move on – even if you don’t want to
Like death, you’re going to grieve your relationship, and regardless of how unhappy you were, there’s going to be a period when all you want to do is see that person. You’re going to look at them and your relationship with rose-tinted glasses and try and start doubting whether you should have split.
Both of you may feel like the easiest way out of this pain is to try again, or secretly meet up or stay in touch, but it’s not. Accept you’re going to feel awful for a few days or a few months and that’s it’s normal – not a sign you made a mistake. Whenever you feel like calling them or texting them, or stalking their social media, you have to stop yourself. You’re only prolonging your misery and let’s face it if they dumped you there’s a zero percent chance they’re sitting at home doing the same thing.
The only way to feel better is accepting it’s over and moving on, even if you don’t want to. People go through and get over break-ups every day. You will too. It won’t last forever.
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2. He’s not nice because he wants to get back with you
We’ve all had the scenario where we’ve been dumped and told we’re an “amazing person,” who “deserves better” or “whoever ends up with you is going to be a lucky guy.” This can be confusing as the same person telling you this, is also saying they don’t want to be with you and who, until very recently, was telling you they love you.
Often we can be guilty of reading into the things people say during a split and see it as a sign that perhaps they are conflicted about the breakup and could be persuaded to get back together. But they’re not, they’re saying this because they don’t want to hurt you and feel guilty for breaking up with you. Dumping someone isn’t a pleasant experience, and they’ll do anything to try and soften the blow, so while his words might be helpful – you’re not getting back together. And, if you’re that amazing and they still don’t want to be with you, why would you even entertain the thought of getting back together with them?
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3. You’ll never really know what went wrong
When you break up with someone, most of us are guilty of over-analyzing what happened, what they said and complained that we’re not given a substantial reason as to why we got dumped. We hold onto these obsessions and use it as an excuse not to move on and instead pour over what went wrong for months.
Don’t fall into this trap, whatever happened in your relationship the bottom line is it ended. Whether he told you six months ago he “could see you getting married,” or if said he “couldn’t put his finger on what went wrong,” all you need to know is he wasn’t into you enough to keep trying. He’s not going to tell you exactly why he doesn’t want to be with you because he doesn’t want to hurt you – just accept he doesn’t and move on.
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4. Your friends and family aren’t always right
While they might be trying to help, advice from friends and relatives about a break up can sometimes be the last thing you need. Most of the time they will try to sugarcoat a situation to make you feel better. They trot out the old tried and tested sayings of “it was bad timing,” “he had commitment issues” or “one day he’ll realize what he missed out on and be sorry.”
These don’t help as you will cling to these theories rather than just accept the hard truth that the relationship is over. Friends and family can also be guilty of demonizing your ex. They can go from being their biggest fans to describing him as the worst person in the world, which only complicates matters by making you feel he deceived you.
This dramatics just distract you from the truth that you were just two people who couldn’t make a relationship work. Remember that you’re not the only one he broke up with, especially during a long relationship, a partner becomes part of the family, so they’re feeling the loss and rejection too.
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5. He just isn’t that into you anymore
No, your ex didn’t become heartless and cruel over night; he just doesn’t think you two have a future together. People don’t usually end a relationship without thinking it over, and if there are no outside factors, like cheating, then you need to accept that’s just what he wants. You can’t force someone to love you, and if he has fallen out of love with you, it could have come as a big shock to him too.
You should respect his bravery for having the guts, to be honest about how he felt. Many people will stay in relationships for years because they don’t want to hurt their partner, but in the end, it means you’re both wasting your time. At least now you know and are free to meet someone who does love you.
Finding someone you want to be with and can be with long-term is hard and unfortunately, you’re only going to know either way, after you’ve been dating for a while. Just appreciate that you both tried, rather than focusing on the fact that it didn’t work out.
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