There are hundreds of relationship myths we use to judge our own but is it always a good idea to do that?
Relying on these myths can be somewhat damaging as people end up trusting them more than their judgement and get too hung up on how they believe things should be.
Everything from when you should first say I love you to how many times a week you should have sex has a rule, but as every relationship is unique, it’s not always healthy to live by them.
In fact, the myths could be destroying your relationship as partners get frustrated that they’re not doing it the right way. It might sound ridiculous, but most people are guilty of this at some point in their lives.
Here are some of the most common ones, you may have fallen victim to.
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1. A good relationship means that you don’t have to work at it
Love doesn’t equal plain sailing when it comes to a relationship, and even the most devoted couples need to put in some work now and again. Just like any relationship, the only way it will grow is through attention and effort, so it’s not a bad sign if you’re spending time working on things with your partner.
Even the strongest relationships have rough patches, but it’s your ability to get through these time that proves what a good couple you are. When is it a sign things aren’t going well? The effort has to be mutual. If you’re trying to make things work and they’re not, you have to ask yourself why.
If the bad patches become the norm and it’s only good now and again Is another red flag that you might need to reconsider.
2. If you love someone, you know their needs and feelings
We’re programmed to believe our one true love will know how to make us instantly happy, but not even a soulmate can be a mind-reader.
Communication is essential in a relationship, and it’s virtually impossible for a partner to make you happy if you don’t tell them what’s wrong in the first place. Sitting and waiting for them to try and work it out is torture for them and will only make you more frustrated.
There’s nothing wrong with telling them your feelings, in fact, they would probably prefer it.
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3. If you’re truly in love, passion will never fade
Even the most passionate relationships are at risk of losing that red, hot attraction. When this happens most people assume it means the relationship is in trouble or they’re not the right person, but this is far from true.
While it naturally fades in most relationships, you can get that excitement back by making sure you don’t fall into a rut.
Passion comes from spontaneity and excitement so suffers when you fall into a routine, and things get too familiar. You might have responsibilities as a couple now, but that doesn’t mean the passion has to be toned down, in fact, you should put extra effort in to surprise your partner.
4. Having children will strengthen your relationship
This is a myth that can backfire. Many couples think welcoming a child will enhance their bond and while it might, studies claim your relationship happiness will decrease with every child.
The fact is children complicate things, add tremendous stress and extra challenges to a relationship and shouldn’t be relied on to improve it. There’s less time for each other, there are more practical issues like child care and financial strain and just having an extra person in the relationship can completely change the dynamic.
If a couple is worried, they’re drifting apart a baby could be the factor that leads to their break-up, rather than helping bring them back together.
5. Jealousy is a sign of true love
This one is another no. Those people who assume a jealous and controlling partner means they’re completely in love, are only misleading themselves.
Often a jealous partner is a sign that they are dealing with their insecurities and confidence issues rather than out of love for you. A jealous partner needs to deal with their issues before it ends up ruining their relationship. Often they are jealous without a good reason, and in the end, their partner will get sick of their behavior and walk away.
Trying to make someone jealous is also not advised. Men usually get annoyed at such behavior and see it as a sign that the relationship isn’t worth it. On the other hand, women consider it as another opportunity to improve themselves.
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6. Fights ruin a relationship
Arguments can be a healthy part of a relationship and are sometimes the only way to talk about problems. Communication is key for any couple, and while not everyone enjoys conflict, it can often help you resolve issues rather than letting them fester.
Nasty, petty and childish fighting that drags on for days is less helpful, and if you’re going to argue, it’s important to stick to the issue at hand.
7. A partner will change if they love you
If you’re looking for your partner, expecting them to make massive changes to their lives to make you happy, then think again. If changes have to be made, it’s on both sides, and the myth that someone else magically become another person to be with you is unfair.
It’s rare that you meet someone who is perfect in every way, but it’s important to remember they probably think the same about you.
Getting to know each other and making positive changes to improve your relationship, is the best way to go forward.
8. Therapy is only for those in trouble
Couple’s therapy is seen as the last ditch attempt to save a relationship, but it shouldn’t be. If you’re that close to splitting up chances are there’s not much left to save. It’s better to see a therapist as a doctor for your relationship and consider going a few times a year. This way you can iron out any issues that may have arisen, rather than waiting years to deal with your problems.
However, some wait too long and by the time they seek help, the good in the relationship has already been destroyed.
Therapy should be viewed as part of a relationship every few months, taking time out to give it some MOT and attention rather than only learning how to work through issues after years when it could be too late
