Do you spend hours lurking on your crush’s Instagram or checking out the photos they’ve recently shared with their BFF? If you do, don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Stalking on social media has become so standard we seem to forget how creepy watching someone else’s every move from behind a screen can be. Everyone does it, but the one thing we all have in common is that we don’t want to be caught. No-one will admit they check their boyfriend’s Facebook page before their own when they log on or check endlessly for the “seen” notification on messages to that girl they hooked up with last week.
Unfortunately, not many of us are FBI level at spying, and we end up embarrassing ourselves committing stalking mistakes. How many have you been guilty of?
1 Accidentally liking a photo…from three years ago
It doesn’t matter how careful you are, a slip of the finger and you’ve liked the photo of them and their grandma from Christmas 07. A photo so buried in their Facebook album that you couldn’t possibly be having a harmless browse, you had to be checking out their family photos from a decade ago. This tells them you’re interested enough to be checking out their most boring and old albums, which is a lot.
2. A flurry of likes and comments at 3 am
If you reserve your likes for past 12, it means you’re either drunk or thinking about them in bed, either way, multiple likes all at once are usually a good indication you’ve got a crush and is your not so subtle way of letting them know.
3. Accidentally adding their ex
Of course, you’re going to snoop on your love interest’s former flame, just don’t get caught. That add or follow button seems uber-sensitive, and somehow without realizing it, you’ve outed yourself as the new flame all via social media. You can’t un-send a friend request and it’s mortifying to know they’re going to get that notification. As soon as they spot your mutual friends, they’ll know what’s up.
4. Posting their name on your profile
This has happened to the best of us, especially on Facebook when every update seems to move around where everything is. Posting someone’s name is embarrassing enough when it’s a friend, but when it’s your ex, their ex or a new girlfriend, or someone you have a crush on its mortifying. The only thing to fix this is a quick delete then denial and hope no-one screenshot it.
5. Knowing too much
The problem of social media is that we know way too much about each other’s lives, sometimes against your will. You know how their morning run went thanks to their Instagram story and every moment of their commute was on Snapchat, which leaves little room for mystery. The thing is, you’re the creepy one if you mention any of it in real life. So try not to. It’s great that you also buy that brand of toothpaste, but don’t let them know you watched and committed to memory their Snap from the grocery store two weeks ago.
6. The accidental tag
You upload a photo, your account suggests people based on your activity (i.e., stalking) and before you know it you’ve accidentally tagged your crush instead of your BFF. You can’t get rid of the tag on your phone, so have to actually use a computer to remove, which could be hours until you get home. There’s no way they won’t know what’s happened and your humiliation is clear for all to see.
7. Commenting STRAIGHT AWAY
Who does this? Unless it’s a BFF or family member, commenting five seconds after they posted is a no-no. Even if you immediately delete, they know you went there that soon, which means you must be either sitting on their profile or spend a lot of time online. Stalking is supposed to be secretive, wait five hours to respond like a normal person.
8. When it opens on your crush’s profile
You go to show a friend something, but completely forgot your stalker session earlier left off on your crush’s cover photo album. They know INSTANTLY what’s going on and won’t be able to hide their satisfaction from catching you, worse still they could tell everyone. Eeeek.
9. Being Drunk And Then Stalking
Drunk you is hilarious, and doesn’t give a flying so has no problem commenting all over your crush’s wall or sending private messages to your ex about that amazing sex you had three Christmases ago. When you wake up in the morning, you’ll not only deeply regret the “I miss you messages” you realize drunk you isn’t the comedy genius you thought and can’t spell either.
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