‘It ain’t over, til it’s over’ and the same goes for a relationship. A break up doesn’t have to be forever, and sometimes a couple needs time apart before they realize they’re made for each other.
There are many reasons people break up and surprisingly not all of them are because they want things to end. In many cases, it can be a kind of “time out,” especially if you’ve been going through a bad patch, it is the only way to get some perspective on your situation.
If after a split you feel like there’s unfinished business or that you jumped the gun by ultimately ending things, you may want to take another shot. But how do you know if your ex-partner feels the same and how do you go about actually going from former to current flame?
Here are nine pieces of advice you might want to take into account.
1. Talk To Them
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This might seem really obvious, but let them know how you feel. There’s no point spending weeks or months making elaborate plans to win them back – if there’s no chance of actually succeeding. How you go about this can be the key to whether you do reunite. Make it crystal clear what your intentions are. Be blunt. Don’t send an ambiguous text message or sub-message them on social media.
Sending a song lyric, or messaging them about a romantic memory together is just going to confuse them. This might be a daunting prospect, but you will find the courage if they’re worth it.
2. Don’t Pressure Them
There’s nothing worse than dropping a huge emotional bomb on someone and chances are they will just run from it. Ask them to meet up or maybe drop round for a coffee, make it in the day and make it quick. Explain how you feel, that you want another shot, acknowledge why you ended and make it clear you expect nothing from them, you just felt they ought to know how you feel. Stay calm and accept any negativity they might throw at you, they have just had a huge shock and could well be feeling annoyed that you blindsided them, so be as kind as possible.
3. Let Them Be Honest
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There’s no point papering over the cracks or remembering the good times. You need them to be as honest as they can about how they feel, so you both know if this is something you really want to start again. There was, after all, a reason you broke up, and you need to address that if you are ever going to move on.
4. Don’t Push Them
If they say no the first time, you might feel taken-a-back; Just let them know if they want to talk or change their mind, you are open to talking. Becoming clingy, whiney or even aggressive is not going to help you win them back. Prove that you’re thinking about their feelings and give them the space to make their own decision.
5. Be Prepared To Wait
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It might take days, weeks or even months for them to come to the same mindset as you. Don’t punish and try to hurry them to that point as they may give up before that. If they’re worth waiting for, you might just have to.
6. Get To Know Yourself As An Individual
You might be waiting on them, but that doesn’t mean your life needs to go on hold. Taking space from a relationship can the chance for a positive, fresh start in life. Embrace it with both hands and fill that time with new adventures, great friends and making memories. This helps you realize whether you want to get back together or you just miss that hole they left in your life.
7. Leave Issues In The Past
You have broken up now, so if there’s something you need to leave in the past, it’s best to do it. Don’t bring up old issues unless it’s going to help you move on and do your best to forgive and forget the mistakes you made that led to your split. If you’re going to be together, you’re going to have to get over these.
8. Mend The Friendship
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Before you connect romantically again, you may need to do some repair work on your relationship. A couple can sometimes take each other for granted, so now you’ve been given a chance to start again take advantage of it. Ask them to hang out, go to the pub, the cinema and keep things on friendship level avoiding the pressure of a relationship.
Listen to their problems, even romantic ones, offer them some advice and prove you have got their back. Keep contact to once a week at first and resist the urge to get back into a full blown romance. Give them a chance to miss you and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
9. Prove You’ve Changed
Whatever reason you split, for you two to get back together that problem needs to be dealt with. Before they get back with you, they will need to know that these problems won’t be an issue anymore. Making changes can be so hard, but take having a good reason to make that effort should be motivation enough to take an honest look at your character and life. Admit to your mistakes and show you’re working on them. Many times these issues aren’t so black and white and both of you will be guilty, so make it clear you are willing to work and change if they are.
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