When a relationship is coming to an end, especially if the breakup is particularly messy, there will be things that you are dying to say to your ex. Whether it is telling them how much you will miss them or bringing up past grievances for the millionth time, you need to work to keep yourself mouth shut. It is frustrating as heck to keep your mouth shut, but there are just certain things that you should never say to your ex.
No matter what you want to scream out at your ex, unless it is something productive in aiding one or both of you moving forward from the relationship, chances are you are better off leaving it unsaid. Here are nine things that you should definitely never say to your ex.
1. “Let’s Be Friends”
When the relationship is coming to an end, you should not expect your ex to be in your life at any capacity. Remaining contact after the relationship ends, and especially trying to be friends, is just plain too difficult. Saying “Let’s be friends” to your ex is a hard slap to the face. They do not have you in their friend box and are likely in love with you. It is impossible to just go from being together to only being friends. It is cruel to the other person.
2. I miss you
When the opportunity comes along for you to contact your ex, it is important to be very clear with your intentions about contacting them. If you were the one that did the breaking up, it is very unfair to reach out to them and bring up how much you miss them. Not only is this confusing, but can lead to unwanted advances or responses on their end.
3. I don’t know why this did not work
During a breakup, especially a relationship ending on decent terms, it is important that you preserve the person’s sense of confidence and worth. To do this, be concise in your reasoning for the breakup. There is nothing more confusing than having a relationship end and not know why it ended. And please, for goodness sake, do not say anything like, “It’s not you, it’s me”. Not only is that confusing, but is a total cop out. During the breakup, give your reasoning for it ending and stick to that reason throughout every other communication with your ex after the breakup.
4. I’m better without you
Not only is this a cheap shot, but tearing your ex down will never make you feel good about yourself. You are guaranteed to make yourself feel worse while also making yourself feel foolish. In this scenario, you are the one that looks bad even if your ex was the one that did the dumping.
5. My new partner is so much better than you
When you have moved on from your relationship and found a new partner, it is tempting to rub this new partner in your ex’s face. However, when you rub your new partner in your ex’s face, you are minimizing the relationship. Saying things like this are not only unnecessarily harmful but it minimizes your past relationship as well as your new one. Plus, it shows your new partner that you care way too much about what winning after the breakup. If you have actually found someone better, you have already won.
6. The sex sucked
Never, ever talk about how bad your ex was in bed. Essentially you are assassinating your ex’s character and is really unnecessary. Unless you think this criticism will be helpful to your ex in his or her next relationship (which let’s be honest, will it really?) you should not be talking about your sex life and how bad it was. Just keep your mouth shut.
7. I still love you
Did you break the relationship off? Then you should never tell them that you still love them (especially if they were left confused when things ended). It is unusually cruel to give someone the impression that there is a chance of things getting “back on track” when you do not have any intention of picking up where you left off.
8. I never really loved you
No matter how painful the relationship ending was on you, it is important that you never diminish the relationship. It is tempting to make the other person feel pain, but make it a point to keep these hurtful thoughts to yourself because not only will you make them feel bad, but you will feel bad yourself.
9. Booty call?
No matter if you were the dumper or the dumpee, there is not circumstance where you should be asking your ex for sex. Having casual sex with your ex is a very dangerous thing to do, especially if one person is still in love. If you were dumped, asking for sex makes you pathetic. If you were the dumper, you look crazy. It is a no win situation no matter what.
