Dating used to be special, at least meeting people was. Nothing is better than that moment your eyes would first meet, or the time you just started talking and flirting. Nothing compares to the butterflies you feel when he asks for your number, and you wait next to your phone until he calls.
This is a passionate uncontrollably exciting way to let your love life manifest. The mystery and magic have since been depleted with online dating. Picking a match has nothing to do with chemistry; you can just swipe through faces like you’re at a restaurant, and somehow this makes us even more judgemental.
Before, we appreciated the match that we found organically, but now we sit in front of a screen, and if we don’t like a single physical flaw we will kick them to the curb for someone who seems closer to perfection. That’s not what it’s about, that shouldn’t be what dating is about. We aren’t sitting in a lab creating robots; we are dealing with individual people that have souls. We should not demand perfection from a match we pick, especially because perfection is relative to each individual.
If you’re going to find someone on a dating site or App remember that they are in fact a human too and experience their flaws before you reject them, you never know what might click with you.
The main issue with the online dating world is the control. The thought of someone better being out there one click away, the idea that you can reject someone without them even knowing you exist. There is a temporary nature with people you pick online because there are ten other people on your inbox waiting for their first date when your first pick to fail.
Online dating can lead to a good match, but I think the main algorithm that works involves not the actual match but the open mindedness of the participants.
The biggest issue I have found with dating sites is the lack of understanding that you are talking to another person. So many times people just send whatever they want to an unsuspecting recipient because the small chance that someone will bite outweighs the cons.
For a lot of people, it’s like an assembly line, if one doesn’t work, on to the next one, in fact, there are men who send out the same message to dozens of girls at once. This can be frustrating on both ends. Constant rejection can harden the skin so when they do find someone it will make it hard for them to care, and for those of us who haven’t hardened, we are repulsed by the carelessness and forwardness.
It doesn’t seem like a big deal at first but think about it. After getting your dozenth unsolicited picture from a different man, anyone could easily start to feel discouraged and want to shame an entire gender. I know the lack of repercussions makes it easier, in theory, to pick up a lady or a man. It’s like comparing the fishing rod to the net. The net will catch a ton of fish in a short amount of time, but is that a good thing? Is it even worth it if you end up throwing them all back?
The personal connection needs to be formed before setting off on a date of any kind. Or at the very least make sure it’s someone that a friend knows. This can cut down on the crude or rash actions on either side.
Meeting someone the old fashioned way, essentially anywhere but online, is so much more magical, but we have stripped away some of that with our lack of patience. Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I personally will meet someone I like and want the relationship to move forward more quickly, at the very least move to the part where we are comfortable texting each other often. There really is no way to push this up, and if you try, it will look like you are desperate or needy. Another trick that people use is stalking on social media. That takes away any surprises, good or bad. You can see where this person you just met went to dinner last Friday and you can see who their ex-lovers are within minutes.
There really is no way to push this up, and if you try, it will look like you are desperate or needy. Another trick that people use is stalking on social media. That takes away any surprises, good or bad. You can see where this person you just met went to dinner last Friday and you can see who their ex-lovers are within minutes.
Not only does that ruin the magic, but it can also mess with your head. It’s easy to see an ex that you think is gorgeous and think that you don’t stand a chance. Many factors could play into the reality of the game by doing this and not even be real or relevant.
Give yourself a break and put down your phone after you meet someone. Keep the mystery in that relationship and you might find some interesting people and at the very least create friendships that will stand the test of time.
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