An Open Letter To My Middle School Self: Don’t Be Insecure, They’re Not Worth Your Time

If you’re reading this, I want you to know you are loved.

You don’t know me… yet. It will be about a decade of late nights, new cities, laughter, tears, trauma, curb-biting failures, and suicide attempts before you do. But trust me— you are loved. And it’s all worth it.

I’ve written you this letter to help set your mind at ease because this is what you desperately need to hear:

Nobody is staring at you

I know it feels like they are, but they’re not. You’re used to being closely monitored and swiftly reprimanded. But I promise everyone feels just as self-conscious as you do. Every single person next to you in your classes, the hallways, and the lunch room are so completely engrossed in their own insecurities they don’t have time to judge you. And if you do happen to catch anyone looking sideways at you, or mumbling something about you, it’s only because they’re trying to draw attention away from themselves. You have nothing to worry about. In fact, most of them are afraid of being stared at and judged by you. Believe it or not, there will be a day you won’t care anymore.

It’s okay to say what’s on your mind

You have a right to let the adults and kids around you know that you don’t feel safe at home, and you aren’t comfortable in your own skin. You have a right to talk about what makes you happy and what makes you sad. You can trust the people around you more than you’ve been told you can. You can talk about your fears, your nightmares, your daydreams, and your deepest desires. It’s okay to let people in.

The truth is, the more you share what’s really going on in your life the more you encourage others to do the same. All it takes is one brave soul to stop exaggerating their accomplishments, lying about their mistakes, and genuinely being vulnerable to give everyone else permission to drop their masks too. Being open is a great litmus test for who deserves to be in your life; if a person laughs and pokes fun when you put yourself out there, they’re proving to you that they’re not ready to be who you need. If they understand, listen, and encourage you to succeed, keep them around. Spend time with the people who love you for who you are more often.

You’re right; you should be able to be happy

Remember that time you stood backstage at the auditorium, watching people rehearse, wondering why it was so damn hard for you to stay happy for more than a few weeks at a time? Your hunch was right. That was a symptom of something greater. To the trained eye (or to just a more experienced adult) that was an early sign of the depression, anxiety, and paranoia that would eventually add up to your diagnosis of Complex-PTSD. These mental health symptoms will change the entire trajectory of your life. Buckle up, little one. It’s going to be a horrifying ride. But don’t worry. I’m able to write this because you make it out okay. In fact, you come out the other side and thrive.

Most of your teachers don’t know what they’re talking about

Most parents don’t know what they’re doing. While we’re at it: most cops, government officials, doctors, pharmacists, career counselors, lawyers, accountants, therapists, and Presidents are honestly kinda just making things up as they go. They make educated guesses and stumble along with only as much dignity as their own emotional baggage will allow. There is no one who can give you all the answers. But there are people who can care about your well being while expecting nothing in return, and they can certainly help you find the best answers for yourself.

You don’t have to change a thing

Most of the society has been telling you all day, every day, in a million different ways that you are not currently good enough to be loved. Commercials and advertisements tell you your skin’s not clean enough, your breasts aren’t big enough, your credit score isn’t high enough, and your clothes are too shabby. Confused teachers and insecure boys will constantly tell you to quiet down, shut your mouth, leave the thinking to the grown ups, and get back in your place. You’re going to be told you are bossy, b*tchy, pushy, intimidating, and other such adjectives with the intention of tearing your confidence down. This is garbage. All of it.

You, right now, exactly as you are, are worth undivided time and attention. You are worth affection. You are worth listening to. You don’t have to buy peoples’ time and praise with compliments, intimidation, people pleasing, playing the victim or telling some elaborate story. You are worth loving right now. It’ll take some practice, but you’ll find the people who are right for you. You’re going to embarrass yourself (a lot), and some make mistakes (approximately 15,000… per year), but you’ll get there.

Don’t ever give up on yourself. You’re worth fighting for.

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