First off, a mother always loves her child. She always has and she always will. ‘Least’ as stated in the title, does NOT mean she didn’t love you at all. It just means, she loved you a little less because you were annoying!
Moving on!
Having a kid is the ultimate adventure. It’s filled with twist and turns and the occasional stitches and trips to the ER. In other words, being a mom is stressful from day one, but it turns out there may be one time in your parenting journey that is more chaotic than the others.
If you bother calling your own mother every now and then (and you should) she’ll tell you that a mother never stops worrying; even after their child has left the nest and built a nest of their own. And if you probe a bit further she’ll tell you that she will always love you, but maybe she didn’t like you all that much from the ages of 11-13. And now there’s some science to back up her claim.
The Journal of Developmental Psychology published a study out of Arizona that actually targeted the tween years as the most stressful for mothers. Middle school isn’t only tough for kids– parents are going through a tough time too.
There are a few reasons why. First, tweens are a bit confused as to where they stand, and so are their mothers. Are they old enough for new responsibilities? Or too young to take on more? One second you are dealing with a mature young adult and the next there are tears and tantrums. It’s stressful for all concerned. Also, those new adult feelings create a new need for and FEAR of separation. Your kid is working to build an identity, that up until this point, rested squarely with you. If you feel your middle-schooler is pulling away from you, you’re right. It’s a normal part of growing up, but knowing the psychology behind it doesn’t make the process any easier.
Their brains are also transforming along with their bodies. Neuroscience explains that the prefrontal cortex ramps up development during the tween years. This brain development also explains a bit of “short fuse” behavior parents tend to see. The prefrontal cortex controls decision-making, social interaction, and self-awareness. This developing brain is also under new influences. Like peer pressure. Talk to any teacher, and they will tell you what many mothers already suspect, kids listen to their friends more than they listen to you. Didn’t you when you were that age? Throw social media into the mix with social influence, and it’s a recipe for stressed-out mothers everywhere.
Plus, you can’t discount the changes that mothers of middle schoolers are going through as well. Chances are if you have a tween, you are entering your late 30s, 40s or 50s. In other words, you are heading to or are knee deep in mid-life. According to NPR, maternal depression can actually rear its ugly head during these years because you are also trying to process your kid’s big changes along with your own feelings.
Being a mother is never easy. If you see a mom of a toddler throwing a tantrum, it’s obvious they need a reassuring glance and a bit of a break. But next time you see a mother with an awkward, and somewhat rude tween nearby, you may want to spare a sympathetic glance and an encouraging word or two for her as well.
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About The Author: Born and raised in South Louisiana, Leah Richard is a graduate of Louisiana State University. She worked as a journalist for 13 years and her work has been featured on networks like CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, CNN, and CNN International. Now, Leah enjoys her writing career almost as much as a newsroom career because it keeps her growing professionally and learning as a human being. Plus, there’s a lot less drinking at the end of the day.
