It’s a lot easier to let a passing snide or passive aggressive remark fall on deaf ears than call someone out about it; but the more you ignore the remarks, the more the perpetrator will feel that they can do it because you aren’t bothered by their comments. They might even step up their game. No matter how minute the comment, always say something.
You might be considered dramatic but hold your ground firmly and be clear about your no tolerance policy for abuse. This will give you the power and alludes that anyone supposing you are considered abusive.
Understanding The Remarks And Why It’s An Issue
There is a difference between constructive criticism and casual criticism. Constructive criticism is meant to make a person better, such as advice. For example, if your parents tell you that your time management isn’t the best and that’s why you’re doing badly in school, you might want to take that into account. The latter is something pointless. Casual critical remarks have nothing to do with making you a better person overall.
These types of comments are unnecessary and quite frankly don’t help you in any aspect; they just make you insecure. Usually, the remarks have to do something with your physical appearance or pointing out an irrelevant personality characteristic. For example, “you’re fat” or “they’re annoying” won’t really help a person, it might actually tear them down.
I find parents tend to be huge perpetrators of the casual criticism. It’s passed off like they are concerned about you or they are just looking out for you, but no matter the reason they give it’s not an appropriate method for ‘caring’. Saying “you look fat in that” is not making you aware of your weight problem because they thought you didn’t know about it. It’s not a very constructive remark in the first place.
Those who are the perpetrators need to realize if you really do care there are better methods. If you think being bold and blatant when you call out issues may not be the best method, then try something different. For example, if you are truly concerned with your children’s weight, sit down with them and have a private and serious conversation. Do not call them fat, and do not make it sound like their physical aesthetic is repulsive. No joke this happens a lot, and it’s not ok.
These types of remarks go for anyone. If you’re a loving friend or a considerate partner, take note that by making these comments, you may be actually hurting the person in ways you may not notice. These types of remarks could trigger a health issue (whether it be physical or mental) and you should be aware of that.
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Stand Up For Yourself
The most important thing to learn is how to stand up for yourself and not let their response get to you. If you call out some guy for harassing you, he will either apologize or try to make it about himself and try to justify his statements.
It’s easy to get defensive and blame someone for being too sensitive or taking it the wrong way but you should stand your ground. If you are offended, then you are offended. There is no rationalization that can change the reality of your feelings. If worse comes to worse, you may not be able to change that person’s viewpoint, but you have control over your own reactions and whether or not you want to be in this kind of relationship.
Point out the comments you don’t like. That’s all you have to do. Let everyone know what is acceptable and isn’t acceptable behavior in regards to comments and criticism. Stopping this sort of criticism is important. This isn’t just a method to prevent others from getting hurt, but it will help you significantly. The little tiny remarks really add up and can tear you down without you realizing what happened.
It’s important to point out what’s going on vocally but also realize it’s not you. Be aware that the comments aren’t really true and even with you pointing out what they are doing, they probably won’t change. Stay strong, remember you are a great person, and the criticism you receive that is not really constructive just doesn’t matter.
Be aware of how you are affecting other people and how other people affect you. The treatment of these two things is important in knowing the character of a person and their intentions.
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