Breaking up is never easy.
Usually, there are two opposite ways, either the partners hate each other and never talk to each other again, or they stay friends and get along well. It is tough to stay neutral with your exes, so it is usually one way or the other.
A study, which was conducted by Oakland University researchers in 2016, discovered that people with dark personality traits like narcissism and psychopathy were more likely to stay together with their exes. Their primary explanation was “for practical and sexual reasons.”
Of course, this is not the reason all people decide to stay connected with their past lovers. It is tough to cut off all connections with the individual who used to be the closest to you and part of your everyday life. You still feel that you can talk to them about everything and count on them.
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It is hard to let go, but it is even more difficult to stay friends.
A love life and dating strategist Matthew Hussey thinks that there is only one way a friendship between ex-lovers can work. He believes that to stay friends, the romance between ex-lovers must be dead. And both of the partners need to understand it.
Hussey thinks that it would still be smarter to stay away from your ex because otherwise, it is tough to get over them. He says that emotions are not black and white, there is a lot of gray areas and even if one thinks, that she is completely over her ex, seeing and communicating with him often might bring back all the memories and feelings.
He advises people, who have broken up, not to keep daily contact with each other. Of course, this is more difficult when you have kids, or you work at the same place. But try to keep things as professional as possible and talk only about things that are truly necessary. Avoid just spending time together and handing out.
Matthew Hussey firmly believes, that if you do not stay away from your ex, you will end up back in bed with them sooner or later. The old flame will light up again, and you will remember all the beautiful times together. It is easy to fall back in love with your ex-lover. But it is not mentally healthy to put yourself through it again because there was a reason why you broke up in the first place.
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To most people, it is hard to stay friends with their exes, because they cannot just be their friends. Hearing stories about their dates and other partners hurts like hell. Unfortunately, people are not able to turn their feelings off and act as they do not have a mutual past.
According to Hussey, if you have even the slightest feelings towards your ex, the healthiest and best thing for you to do would be just to move on and cut them out of your life. It might sound harsh, but it is the best thing for you. Only that way you can get over them and open yourself up to new partners.
Of course, there are some exceptions, where exes actually can make it work as friends. But this cannot be easy, especially for their new lovers. The truth is getting over someone takes time, and it only makes the process slower, when you interact with them often.
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