You know the saying “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave?”
Well, I was happy to see you go and I loved watching you leave.
Even though your actions hurt me, I also knew that we were toxic together. Everything ended so quickly, the second time around at least. All I wanted was for the turmoil to be over and move on.
I didn’t want to dwell on the past anymore, but I also wanted to tell you about the pain I had endured under your oppressive reign over my heart.
This is what I wanted to tell you when you left my life.
The fact that you could so easily lie to my face, even when I knew the truth, was proof enough that you have some growing up to do. When you went behind my back to make plans with another girl (who you didn’t tell you had a girlfriend already), I was never mad at her.
What I wanted was for you to be truthful to both of us, because we both deserve to be respected.
Sure, I never got a black eye or a completely busted lip, but that doesn’t diminish the harm you caused to me physically. I tried to justify it because you were drunk, but the truth is, it was never okay and never will be okay.
No human should be handled like a rag doll or made to feel small and scared. I pray that you learn to understand your demons so that you can heal.
When I continuously would have to make excuses to my friends and family as to why you weren’t at the company holiday party, family dinner or couples night out, it pushed me over the edge.
You never even noticed your lack of involvement in my life, which is what made it even worse. I had no choice but to slowly push away from you as I found others to fill the void you left in me.
Even though we tried to work things out, this thought never left the back of my mind. Even when you tried to reassure me, rather haphazardly I might add, I never quite believed you, and for a good reason.
When you broke my trust, and then continued to waver, I was never able to recover. I sincerely hope you can learn that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You don’t get to have a stay-at-home girlfriend who does everything for you and also have a girl on the side. In my heart, I always knew it wouldn’t work out.
I hope you find happiness one day. I hope you meet a girl who makes you happy and who you treat with love and respect. I want you to find a girl who doesn’t feel the urge to look through your phone messages or who constantly wonders what you’re doing.
A girl that doesn’t have to be scared of you when you’re drunk and angry. I hope you see what you lost when I left you, and I hope you learn from those mistakes so that you can find true happiness.
Thanks to you, I have become stronger, and I know what I want and what I deserve.
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