How to Move on After Breakup

“It’s over.” Those words ring over and over in your head.  You were together for five months now.   You thought you had something special.  When you think back to your first month together, you remember smiling like an idiot and laughing at all the lame jokes.  You were happy. You remember how amazing it felt to be loved and wanted. But now it doesn’t matter.  Nothing in your life seems to matter anymore because it’s over.  You want the world to pause so you can have a few days to wallow.  But the world keeps going and you feel overwhelmed.

This is heartbreak.  Everyone feels it.  It’s hard to move on after breakup in life when everything feels like its slipping through your fingers.  During your first heartbreak, you wonder how to move on after breakup in life after breakup.  It was your first love and you just got crushed.  Your world revolved around them and suddenly it didn’t.  How do people keep dating and keep getting their heart broken?  When you were young, you found comfort in friends and family.  They gave you a shoulder to cry on and told you it gets easier.

Now, it’s your fifth heartbreak and honestly you just feel ashamed.  You’re disappointed that it happened again.  Disappointed that it ended just like the one before.Amidst your tears, you get out your computer and Google “How to move on after breakup in life after heartbreak?”

You don’t want to talk to anybody this time.  You just want to sit in your bed and cry.  You think, “What’s wrong with me? It must be me.  I’m the reason why it never works out.”You don’t want to read any books or watch any movies cause all of them lied to you.  You can’t find love and live happily ever after like the characters in those stories.  It’s one big lie that people use to comfort themselves.

Once you’re in this rabbit hole of thoughts, it’s hard to get out.  But take a deep breath.  It does get better.  Breaking up with someone is not the end of the world.  Life happens.  People change.  You both want different things.  Whatever the reason is behind your heartbreak just know that it does get better.

First Step: Getting Out of the House

All you’ve been doing for the passed month is go to work and go home.  You spent every weekend off in bed staring at the same four walls.  You feel stuck.  You feel like your life will never get better and it is only going to go downhill from here.

Well, it’s already noon so get out of bed and get dressed.  You need to get out of the house and get some fresh air.  Take a walk around the block or go to the market to get some groceries.  Do something.

The first few times out of the house are hard but you’ll get used to it.  Go back to your old routine.  This can be a hard step. But once you start doing the things you used to, things will begin to feel normal again.  It’s a hard step because your old routine involved your ex.  They were a part of your life and now they’re not.  Accepting this fact is hard.  It’s a hard pill to swallow but you can do it.  Every time you start getting back to your old life and your old self, you’ll see that it’s not so bad.  You’ll realize it’s possible to move on after breakup.

But for those who can’t.  If that old life is too littered with memories of your ex then take up a new hobby.  Build a new routine.  Wake up earlier, go to the gym, or take cooking lessons.  But don’t do anything drastic.  Don’t sell all your stuff and move to a new state.  Don’t quit your job and ignore all your friends.  Impulsive decisions like these will only trigger depression.  Just make some small changes to take care of your-self and have fun doing it.

When you’re looking for something new to do.  Think about what you enjoyed doing before.  Cooking? Sewing? Yoga? Dancing? If you don’t have a hobby, find one.  Take your mind off of the breakup and do something fun for a change.  You can even make it a fun night out with your friends.  Reach out to them.  They’ll be happy to hear from you.

Second Step: Hang out with Friends

Taking cooking lessons or dance classes will be a fun change for you and your friends.  You’ll create a fun routine that takes place one or twice a week.  You and your friends will bond over new memories and enjoy each other’s company. Afterwards all of you can have a meal and talk about life: the past, present, and future.

You might cry but that’s okay.  Expressing your feelings is much better than bottling it all in.  When you bottle up feelings they explode at the most random times by the smallest triggers.  So talk to close friends and express your feelings.  Chances are, they’ve been through the same thing and know how to help you out.  All of you can find comfort in sharing these experiences together.  Share a laugh, some tears, and a bottle of wine (if you’re of age).

Friends are always there for you no matter what.   They’re happy to be there and they want to help you put all the pieces back together.  Friends help you put things in perspective and they are there for youat all hours of the day.  If you need a friend at 3AM, they will show up with a box of Kleenex, a bottle of wine, and a bag of chocolate.  Remember you’re not alone.

Third Step: Meet people again

You have your current friends.  People you met years and years ago.  But now it’s time to make some new ones.  Making new friends is a good way to step out of your comfort zone.  You’re scared to meet new people after a breakup, so don’t start dating so quickly.

You don’t want to rebound your emotions from your previous ex on to a new person.

Meet new people while you’re with your friends.  Make it a goal.  Every time you and your friends go out, introduce yourselves to a new person.  You never know.  That person could become a close friend too.

The feeling of meeting new people and learning about them should be a fun experience.Don’t let dating and finding the one be your main focus when you’re meeting a new person.  Just get to know them.

Love is good, but don’t fall in love with the idea of love.  Many people fall in to this trap. So much so that he or she loses sight of the person he or she is with. In these relationships, the honeymoon period is fun and exciting.  But once that passes and problems start coming up left and right, the relationship starts falling apart.   It’s like a poorly knitted scarf that starts falling apart as each thread is pulled.  The relationship won’t work because the people weren’t in love with each other.  There was no foundation for their love, nothing to support the relationship and protect it from the gunfire.  The people in this relationship are just standing on a house of cards, waiting for the relationship to fall through.

Those are not the types of relationships you want to develop, so don’t rush in to another relationship after your breakup.  Take time to heal, hang out with friends, and just get to know new people.  You can be in this “Meeting new people” period for weeks, months, and maybe even years.  Take your time.  There is no need to rush.

After a period of time, this new friend starts becoming a close friend.  You share some inside jokes and you start to flirt a bit.  Then you realize you like them.  This feeling scares you.  But just let the relationship develop with no strings attached.  When you’re ready you can go on a date.  Don’t rush things and don’t let your old relationship shadow this one.  Take it easy and have fun.  Remember dating is fun.  Promise.