I Didn’t Realize How Strong I Really Was Until I Stopped Sacrificing For You

Relationships are supposed to be about sacrifice. Since I knew that, I sacrificed for you. But either you didn’t know that or else you didn’t care because you certainly didn’t sacrifice anything for me. I thought I needed you, which is why I consistently left other things behind and gave up things I wanted (and sometimes needed) to give you what you said you needed.

Now, I see things.

Now I see that I’m stronger than you made me believe I was, and I don’t need to sacrifice so much of myself to be with anyone. Now I’m with someone who sacrifices for me as much as I sacrifice for him, and we’re both motivated by love, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been a part of.

The scars of my sacrifices from you run deep, and they still affect me now.

The money I gave you to “buy a car together” that was going to go in my name since I paid for most of it would have gone a long way in building the house that I’m working on now. It would have paid for the baby supplies we need, and everything else that’s going into the house.

But that money was sacrificed to you as though you were a god. And despite your promises to pay me back, I haven’t seen any of it, and probably never will.

Now every penny that I make goes into what I’m building for my family, and I’m proud of that. As I see the walls of our house go up, I feel the strength that I have in a stable relationship where there are two sacrificing, not just one.

The demands that you made of me to wear certain clothes and cut my hair a certain way were hard to leave behind. They carried with them the feeling that I wasn’t good enough, that I had to meet your standards to be loved. So, I sacrificed even my sense of style and personal preferences to bend to your wishes, to try to make you happy.

But those feelings have lingered. Even though you have been left far behind, the idea that I might not be good enough has gripped my heart and mind and just barely begun to loosen its grasp.

Now, I’m proud of who I am and unbelievably happy that I don’t have to make changes for anyone unless I want to. So far I can pour more of myself into being myself and into improving myself to be my best for the person who loves and accepts me for who I am and who doesn’t force me to change.

The time I poured into our relationship is something I’ll never get back. Instead of making friends, I spent every free second talking to you and spending time with you because you “needed” all of my time and all of my attention. When I did try to spend time with a friend instead of texting you, you got upset and threatened to break up with me, so I was stuck focusing all of my relational energy on you just to keep you.

But that just wasn’t fair. And when the relationship finally ended, and the dust eventually settled, I was left with absolutely nothing since all of my time had been devoted to you and you alone.

Now, I have someone that doesn’t demand all of my time and attention, who is glad that I have friends and encourages me to keep in contact with other people that build me up. And I have found strength in numbers. I have my man, and I have a support system beyond him so that I can stay strong for him.

Maybe the truth was that you were so weak that you needed me to sacrifice everything for you. If that’s the case, I feel sorry for you. I hope you find your inner strength like I found mine so you can stop sucking what you need from other people and start standing on your own two feet. And I hope someday; you find someone that you’re willing to sacrifice for.