Losing a parent is probably the worst thing that can happen to a child at a young age. We are used to feeling loved, supported and secure, but when one of the most important people in our life is taken away, it leaves a mark for the whole life.
Losing a parent when you are young and losing a parent when you are an adult are two completely different things. When you get to grow up with your parents, you will have a lot of wonderful memories and shared laughter. They will see you graduate from college, get married, meet their grandkids etc. When the dearest of them all is taken away from you at an early age, you will not have these memories and support.
The tragic event changes your views on the entire world if you are a kid. You need to grow up immediately and become independent, especially when you have younger siblings to take care of. This life-changing event is nearly impossible to get over, but what does not kill you makes you stronger and this definitely teaches you many valuable life lessons.
For example, you will learn that:
Others Don’t Understand What You Are Going Through
First of all, when you have lost a parent, you feel a lot of anger and sadness. Other people are trying to comfort you and help you get through it. Because others cannot know and understand what it feels like losing a parent, you tend to be bitter and push people away, even if you actually really need support. So others should never give up on you and try to talk to you as much as possible. Yes, this is true that they do not understand what it feels like, but they still want to help you and be there for you, so let them.
People Around You Don’t Know What To Say
When you have lost someone, always remember that other people want to somehow make you feel better. They will use cliché phrases like “they are in a better place right now”, “they will still watch over you” and “they are now free of their worries and burdens”. You know that these sentences won’t take the pain away, but people just do not know what to say in tragic situations like these. Remember, that they just want the best for you and try not to be angry with them.
You Appreciate The Time You Spent With Your Parents So Much More
There are always some people, who will complain about their parents and their decisions. This will make you very mad because you see that they are not thankful to have them. At least they have parents, who may not always make the “right” decisions, but they are there.
So if you are with a person, who has lost their parent, try to remember this and never ever complain about something your parent said or did. And if you are the one who just lost someone, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. They do not think something bad with the complaints, you probably complained as well when you still had that parent. It is something we all do and it does not mean that we do not appreciate them nor love them.
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You Learn Who Your True Friends Are
Losing someone dear to you changes you completely. The grief consists of many stages like denial, anger, sadness, depression and lastly acceptance. There are not many people, who will stay by your side through it all. But some will and you will understand that these are your real friends. It is totally okay to let go of people who are not there to support you and invest your time and energy into the ones who do.
It’s Okay Not To Feel Okay
Grief takes time and everybody goes through it in their own way. After a parent passes away, it is good to take some time off and do the things you love or that make you feel a bit better. Try to avoid stress and responsibilities and rest your mind and body. You do not have to put on a tough face, you can admit that you are broken inside and let others help you. Do not act strong, when you actually want and need some help.
It’s Okay To Accept Help
Many people say no to all kind of help and think they can manage with the grief by themselves. But there are actually so many people around, who want to help. Sometimes it is great to have a friend, who motivates you to work out or study for the exam. In the end, life goes on and you need to get back to your everyday life at some point. Doing it all alone can be very sad and stressful. Sometimes it is even necessary to talk to a professional, who is there to listen and help you go through it all.
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You Will Start To Appreciate Those Around You
When you have siblings, they are the only ones who understand completely what you are going through. This means that the bond between you and your siblings grows stronger and deeper. You can talk to each other about anything and understand even without saying a word. You will feel more thankful for the people you have in your life and start to appreciate more the time spent together.
You Learn That Time Is Valuable
This is close to the point above. You will start to cherish every moment you have and all the people, who are dear to you. You do not want to spend your life doing something you do not love because you know that life is short. You understand how important time and life are and you stop wasting your time on people and things that do not deserve it.
There’s A Lot Of Negative Thinking That You Have To Get Over
When one parent dies, you start to think that is there anything you could have done to avoid the tragic event. Maybe if you had been a better kid or said something differently…. Well, actually you must understand that someone’s death is not your fault. You need to get over the guilt and “what if” thoughts. You need to adapt to the new way of living and start to see positive things as well. As sad as it is, life goes on and there are so many great people you still have in your life. Do not become so negative and depressed, that you forget to notice them.
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You Appreciate The Other Parent More
From now on they are your everything, the only one left. So you start treating them that way as well. You need to support them as well because they are going through the grief as well. Being there for each other and sharing your thoughts and sadness always helps to get through it quicker and in an easier way.
You Don’t Take Things For Granted
As mentioned above, you will start to be thankful for every person and every moment in life. You appreciate all the days you have and all the great memories they bring you. This will make you a stronger person. The painful life lessons will always remain in your mind, but you learn to live with them and finally, you start to feel happy again.
Everyone should read these points because you never know when you lose someone or when a close person of yours loses someone. It is important to understand their mind and way of thinking during this tragic time. People, who are grieving, need a lot of support and unfortunately too often they do not know how to ask for it.
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