Please shut up and LISTEN once in a while. Better yet, all the time. You think you know all the answers and you very well may. But if someone doesn’t like your opinion you cannot force them to accept it. Not everyone wants to hear it or take it, so even if you have their best interest in mind, learn just to listen.
You spend so much time trying to improve your relationship and fix everything. However, your relationship doesn’t just depend on you.
If you are always initiating and motivating, pushing and pulling you are missing the point.
So shut up and listen for once. Stop instantly presenting your ideas. In fact, withhold your opinion until after your partner has had a chance to share theirs. “What do you think about _____?” Followed instantly by, “I think” doesn’t give them an opportunity to share their opinion or feel heard. So don’t interrupt. Just shut up and listen.
In fact, you should be so effective at listening and asking clarifying questions, that they should be clueless about your position. This way they don’t feel pressured to give the answer you are expecting to hear. After they have spoken their mind, you will have a chance to speak yours.
When asking questions don’t expect to hear only the answer you want to hear. If your mouth is shut, your body language can still instantly let them know what you think. Focus on listening objectively and show them your full attention. Turn toward them, make your body posture inviting, smile, and make eye contact.
Try mirroring their facial expressions to show empathy. Remember, the whole point of listening is to receive information and understand the meaning conveyed accurately. So don’t shy away from asking clarifying questions.
If you don’t learn to take a step back and listen effectively, it is easy to misunderstand your partner and experience a communication breakdown. In short, you can listen without hearing, for hearing goes much deeper than sound waves hitting your eardrum.
And for the record, learning to listen well doesn’t mean that you agree with your partner’s feelings or opinion. It just means that you have the wisdom to hear them out before replying.
Hearing requires active listening. I’m sure this isn’t a new concept for you, but a concept that is quickly forgotten. Being a great listener doesn’t just happen, it requires an effort to understand what your mate is saying. Learning to listen and hear, even when you disagree is a very valuable skillset to have, not just in your relationships but the workforce and in society.
Just imagine, if more people knew how to listen with the intent of understanding, rather than with the intent of arguing, responding, and proving a point, how much healthier our society as a whole would be.
Of course, it is impossible to avoid awkward conversations so don’t shy away from them. Instead, learn to approach them with grace and dignity. Ask yourself what it is you want to achieve by having the conversation first. If it is to vent your frustration, take care. Decide ahead of time how you will react if you don’t get your way and don’t let emotions carry you away.
Don’t have a difficult conversation in the heat of the moment. Instead, choose a good time to approach your partner. Not when both of you are tired, angry, or hungry. Remember that your partner is not your enemy, so address the issue at hand, not play the blame game. On the same note, try to stick to one topic at a time. If you start to get historical and bring up ten issues at the same time you are not going to resolve anything.
So remember, just shut up and listen. Don’t shout, get angry, or interrupt. Stay calm, stay cool, and listen on.
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