Pornography: Harmless fun or a deadly poison?
Pornography is more readily available today than it was several years ago. Viewership has exploded, bringing this touchy subject to the foreground. It rises contention and is a touchy subject to approach.
Regardless of where you stand, you can admit that porn usage can get out of control and lead to serious relationship problems. Pornography is often compared to a getaway drug.
You see, porn acts as a “supranormal” stimulus. It activates all the standard reward mechanisms in our brains related to sex but does it at a higher level that seems more pleasurable than the average arousing stimulus.
The brain quickly becomes desensitized and requires newer and stronger incentives to reach the same degree of arousal and excitement.
Anyone viewing porn can quickly find themselves on a downward spiral into more hardcore pornography and a desire to see it more frequently.
It is even possible to have a psychological addiction that interferes with your real sex life and social life. People have lost their families, partners, and jobs over pornography and the research doesn’t paint a simple picture of it.
It Hijacks Your Brain
My porn use isn’t that bad, you might think, but you can admit that watching porn creates an intense excitement. This excitement can put a huge dent in your real sex life. That intense rush you get gets you hooked on the fantasy and programmed your brain that this is normal.
As a result, regular sex starts to feel, well, dull. Daily intimacy starts with appreciating and flirting with your lover. It is personal and invested. You kiss, hug, and touch each other. It’s like a dance that leads up to the intercourse.
Porn hijacks this and makes it all about the penetration. There’s very little that is personal or loving about it. There’s rarely any foreplay, affection, flirtation, or appreciation. It is sex without intimacy. And the more you watch, the more you train your brain that sex devoid of intimacy is the standard.
If you are used to gratification without investment or foreplay, then your real-life sex will stagnate. A good lover isn’t selfish – and by its nature porn makes you selfish.
Real sex with your mate evokes love, intimacy, equality, and respect. Pornography promotes power, disrespect, voyeurism, objectification, detachment, and often abuse.
Furthermore, a severe addiction to pornography can skew your perception of what beauty is and give you unreasonable standards for sex with your partner.
If that doesn’t scare you, check out the research that shows the link between porn usage and low libido/erectile dysfunction in teens and young adults.
Many men in their 20s and 30s find themselves struggling with sexual anxiety and bouts of inability to perform. A recent survey by Esquire showed that a whopping 43% of men reported having difficulties getting and maintaining an erection for some time. 24% said they had difficulties more often than they would like to admit.
If you’re watching porn on the sly, without your partner knowing, you don’t need an expert to tell you that it’s hurting your relationship. That lack of trust and transparency is an issue that needs to be addressed.
If your partner discovers your porn usage, it can feel as painful as discovering an affair. And create feelings of abandonment, inferiority, distrust, loss of confidence, and more. All of these quite potent mood killers.
Porn-Free Relationships are Stronger with Less Infidelity
There are many voices out there that argue that it is harmless and a part of our society. But facts speak louder than opinions.
Psychology Today published an article in 2014 based on extensive research. It has shown that:
- Porn-free relationships are stronger with lower rates of infidelity
- Pornography diminishes commitment to your partner
- It increases the likelihood of cheating
In this study, researchers measured the levels of dedication, interpersonal commitment, sexual satisfaction, infidelity, and negative communication. The study also revealed that those who didn’t watch any pornography had lower levels of negative communication and higher levels of sexual satisfaction. Their rate of infidelity was also half of those who watched porn.
And, while you may not realize it, porn reminds you of all the potential sexual partners you are missing out on. This conscious or subconscious thought reduces your dedication to your spouse.
So is porn affecting your love life? Take a porn fast and eliminate it from your life for 3-6 months and see how your sex life improves. Try it I dare you. You’ve got nothing to lose. Take the time to focus on your partner and the joy of making love together, without anything getting in the way.
