When we were kids, the word “NO” was the absolute worst, wasn’t it? It was a dream crusher and a hope dasher. But now that you’ve grown up and entered the real world, you’ve discovered that saying yes to everything and everyone is just devastating. Ironically, the answer you hated so much as a kid, is the answer to help set you free now.
Saying yes, without regard to yourself, your boundaries, and limitations aren’t going to benefit anyone, least of all you. So why do you agree to things you know you won’t enjoy? You can’t meet all of the life’s demands, so stop saying, “YES” to everything.
What you’re lacking are some boundaries. Webster’s defines boundary as, “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.” It is saying to yourself and others – till this point and no further can you go. It’s telling others when their behavior has crossed a line and is unacceptable.
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If you’re like most overtaxed, stressed out individuals, you will probably admit that you are a people pleaser. You typically think of other’s people’s feelings before your own and hate the thought of disappointing someone.
You are also likely to be an empath if you find it hard to say no to your friends, family, boss, co-workers, and sometimes even strangers. You act as if the word no, has just vanished from your vocabulary and that ‘yes’ is the only acceptable answer.
Saying “NO” Isn’t the End of the World
Newsflash.
It’s perfectly acceptable to politely say, “No, I am unable to help you with…” and leave it at that without having to justify your answer.
It is vital that you realize that boundaries aren’t meant to disappoint they are supposed to protect what you value the most.
If you think about it, limits are needed for your emotional, sexual, and spiritual health. They allow you to protect your comfort level, your values, and goals. You likely have several boundaries in place already that protect your relationship, your kids, and your career.
Boundaries are beautiful guardians that protect your health, time, and well-being.
Giving yourself some space to breathe and enjoy life will allow you to become a more loving individual and will do wonders for your health.
Establishing healthy boundaries will also help you identify the toxic people in your life. If they can’t respect your limitations or comfort zones then they don’t care about you, it’s that simple.
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Someone who loves you will understand when you say no.
Someone who is using you, won’t.
So where can you start? Focus on where you are spreading yourself too thin and where you are feeling pressured to give in. Listen to your feelings and don’t disregard feelings of unease, stress, and discomfort.
Take resentment for example. If you’re feeling resentful, ask yourself, “Is someone trying to impose their expectations on me, or if I’m going past my comfort level.” These are the areas where you likely need to develop and enforce boundaries.
True, these are the areas that will require you to grow a spine and use confident, assertive communication to get your point across. But, hey, if you don’t set up your boundaries, the people around you will define them for you, and it’s unlikely you will appreciate the result.
So start defining your boundaries today and realize the beauty of setting limits. The beauty of saying no, and the beauty of living your life to the full.
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