7 Signs That Suggest You’re Dating A Sapiosexual

Back when you went on your first date, you may have said yes to anyone that had to guts to ask you out. Things change as you gain a little experience though; your tastes mature and become more refined. You learn what excites you and how to pick out the traits in others that spark your interest.

For example, your type might be someone with a great sense of style or humor, or perhaps you’re into the outdoorsy type who likes to go hiking often. However, if you’re dating a sapiosexual, then intelligence is what makes them the most attracted to you.

Finding intelligence arousing isn’t a new ‘type,’ it’s most likely been around for as long as we have, but the Oxford Dictionary says that the word sapiosexual first originated in the early 21st century. We’ve all heard the term homo sapiens which means wise-man. Well, ‘sapio’ is derived from the Latin word ‘sapiens’ and paired with sexual to make Sapiosexual based on the model from heterosexual. It is defined as “a term that means ‘sexually attracted to highly intelligent people'” according to Merriam Webster.

Many people are attracted to intelligence, but the term has been criticised and poked fun at by some. It has been called pretentious and arrogant, but if intelligence is the driving factor in what turns you on and this is your type, then there is nothing wrong with dubbing yourself as a sapiosexual.

That being said, how do you know if you are dating a sapiosexual? Well, here are seven defining characteristics that might just clue you in.

1. Dating took some time

A sapiosexual has to get to know your mind before they know if they’re into you or not. Perhaps you’ve been friends for years before you became a couple or maybe you thought the relationship was going nowhere because it seemed to move so slowly. If your relationship took time to build and their interest grew more and more over time, you might be dating a sapiosexual.

2. They love your witty messages

More than likely, you have a string of written text with your partner through texts, emails or online messages that includes many thought-provoking ideas. Sexting is overrated; who needs messages full of dirty words and photos, when the one you’re into composes you a meaningful message or perhaps a beautiful poem that includes words you might just have to look up (if you’re lucky). Also, if turning the pages of the dictionary turns you or your lover on, then that’s probably another clue.

3. The appreciate all the different angles of your intelligence

Being intelligent isn’t just about book smarts. There’s also emotional intelligence which is linked to empathy. Are you able to pick up on other people’s emotions before they tell you how they’re feeling? Or can you quickly put yourself in other’s shoes and understand their struggles?
Comedic intelligence is another trait that might make someone more attractive to a sapiosexual. Some studies show that funny people are knowledgeable. “Humor is not about comedy it is a fundamental cognitive function” according to Science Daily.

4. Please, no small talk

Sapiosexuals prefer to have meaningful conversations that provoke deep thoughts. Many people hate small talk, but maybe you’ve noticed that your partner seemed to struggle with basic pleasantries when you introduced them to your friends. It’s not like they’re rude, but they might just prefer staying quiet than discussing the weather.

5. They embrace humility

You might expect them to be more impressed by someone who brags about their vast accomplishments but they genuinely find your shyness much more intriguing. Even though you probably have a lot to brag about, your humility shows a great deal of character, and they find this way more attractive than arrogance.

6. You are on the same level of intelligence

People who consider themselves to be sapiosexuals can’t imagine dating someone that they didn’t think was intelligent. In fact, intelligence is even more attractive than physical appearance to them, and if they didn’t think you were intelligent, they would’ve broken up with you already. It’s safe to say that if you are in a relationship with a sapiosexual, then you are most likely close to, or on the same level of the intelligence scale as they are.

7. They love your beautiful brain

Everyone has a difference in opinion when it comes to what part of the body they find most attractive, but if you happen to be dating a sapiosexual, then your brain is what gets them excited the most. I think Psychology Today said it well with the term “nymphomaniacs,” or “individuals who find it arousing to engage with the intellectual perspective of another person.” Your personal appearance isn’t what attracted them to you in the first place.

If you are dating a sapiosexual, then your relationship is bound to only get better with time since we all seem to gain wisdom as we age. If you recognize these traits in your partner just remember that keeping things psychologically stimulating is what keeps them wanting more.

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About the Author: Bethany Vincent is a writer from La Grange Kentucky who has loved playing with words since she first learned to speak. She lives with her teenage son and adopted dog daughter in a cute, yellow house with a picket fence. During college at the University of Louisville, she could be found at the writing center most of the time and her main areas of focus were literature, creative writing, and visual arts. Bethany has contributed articles and created content for many websites and blogs during her writing career. In her free time, she enjoys gardening, juggle-dancing, yoga, photography, cooking and singing along with her favorite songs while in the car driving. In the future, she plans to finish writing her first book and hopes to travel to all the beautiful places that she’s read about.