Love is complicated, and when it comes to finding the right partner, it can feel like an endless quest for someone, you never really know exists.
The hardest and most intoxicating thing about love is that it’s uncontrollable. We have as much control over our own emotions as we do over others and it’s this helplessness that can make love so destructive and damaging. It commands enormous power over us, with feelings changing the way we live, love and can even make us feel physical pain.
As a society, we are obsessed with the idea of love. We read books about it, watch movies, write love songs that can move us to tears and spend years trying to find that special someone who will love you as you love them. As people, we tend to emphasize falling in love, but it isn’t this isn’t the part that causes the most heartbreak – it’s when someone doesn’t love you back.
Whether they just don’t feel the same or that they were in love with you, but those feelings have gone. Falling for someone who doesn’t reciprocate your love is devastating, and the memory can torment you for years.
But, is there any way to control this? Or make someone fall in love with you?
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Falling In Love
The real test of a relationship comes after the honeymoon period, and that initial attraction begins to grow into something deeper.
At this point a man needs to be emotionally attracted to you, to fall in love properly. This isn’t just fancying you; it’s the feeling that he can open up and trusts you enough to be vulnerable and exposed. He wants to be able to share his feelings, beliefs, and worries and know you will support him in his endeavors. This emotional attraction helps build a deep bond and connection between you and allows your first love and lust to grow into something stronger.
Life often gets in the way, and it’s when that emotional attraction begins to crumble and distance forms between you that things can begin to fall apart.
While you can’t force someone to love you, you can still help them feel more secure. Think about whether you’re listening to him when he speaks? Have you been understanding and supportive when he opens up to you?
Sometimes in a relationship, we can be guilty of giving what we want, rather than what someone needs. It’s good to remember that whether man or woman, every single person is unique and will have their desires and requirements to be met.
Despite what romance books and movies have taught us, falling in love should be easy and if you can tick all the boxes for your partner, there’s no reason to reconsider you or second guess his feelings. We can connect to many partners, but that person is the one that naturally covers all of them and makes you feel both loved and secure.
When It Goes Wrong
When a partner feels like they’re drifting away or perhaps they have told you they don’t feel so connected anymore, your first instinct can be to hold on tighter. In most cases, this is the worst thing you can do as it can often end up smothering them and sign you’re not thinking about their needs, but your own.
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If your partner has asked you for space, then give them that. Remember it’s not just them in the relationship and rather than obsess and worry about your other half, while they have space you should have yours.
A break in a relationship of any kind is inevitably going to be a painful and worrying time, but use it as a time to focus on you. While they’re getting “space” use your energy on someone who does want it like a family member, friends, job or even a pet. Challenge yourself by filling your time with that hobby you never got around to or try something entirely new. This gives you a chance to enjoy some quality time with yourself and is a reminder that you have a life outside of them.
Often giving yourself space can be empowering and make you a good chance to assess what you want as well. Are you the right person for them and are you making yourself happy by being with them? If you’re not happy then, chances are, they won’t be either.
Seeing you reinvigorated by life and your loves may even be the reminder your partner needs.
Either the time apart will have reminded you both why you love each other, or it will confirm they want to end things. Whatever path you chose, you can confidently walk down it if you already have a life outside of your relationship and know that while a partner can be wonderful, it’s important that it’s completely right.
While it’s easy to say to focus on the positives, many of us will go into self-destruct mode if we think we’re losing the one we love.
We can end up acting out by getting jealous, bombarding them with messages and playing up to all those stereotypes of a desperate lover.
Unfortunately, the only person you will hurt by acting like this is yourself, and by letting your bad side get the better of you, you could destroy the relationship without realizing.
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Don’t put your partner in a position where your behavior means they can’t be with you, as all it will do is cause you grief and regret in the future.
Accepting When It’s Gone
When that emotional attraction breaks down a man usually knows something isn’t right, but can’t put their finger on what. While it’s impossible to make someone fall in love or back in love with you, making sure you nurture and stay as close as possible will help protect that connection.
Realistically though, whatever you do if someone falls out of love there’s little control you have over it. Whether it’s a man or woman, you cannot force someone to be in love with you, and it may be a case of accepting it’s over.
