Why Was I ‘Fearfully Uncertain’ to Give Birth to My Second Child?

I am pregnant. . . Again!

My husband and I are so excited because we wanted another baby, and we are not getting any younger. At the time I am writing this, I am five months pregnant, and it has been such a different experience than my first. I thought after my first being a boy, I was having a girl, but this is not the case.

Yes, we are having another boy, and I am excited about this. The way I see it, they can wrestle.

But I want to take a moment to record the different responses I had to while discovering my second pregnancy compared to my first, because I was not anticipating such a dramatic change, and I have a feeling, although it is a touchy subject, others can relate.

For starters, after finding out I was pregnant with my first, I took seven pregnancy tests! Yes, seven, then I went to get a blood test the next day.

I think the nurse thought I was crazy.

This time around I took two pregnancy tests, so this was a little less fanatical. And blood test, who has time for that when you are chasing a two-year-old?

I called my doctor and set up an appointment that would not take place for another month or so.  The wait did not bother me, for I had little time to think about it.

The feelings I felt when I found out I was pregnant with my second were very juxtaposed to that of my first pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I was happy but flooded with uncertainty and disbelief. I had nothing to compare it to, and the truth is, I had no clue how a child was going to change my life.

I guess the right way to describe the way I felt after finding out I was pregnant with my first was – excitedly naive.

In some ways, I feel that I was more unprepared for the personal response I felt after finding out I was pregnant with my second child: fearfully uncertain.

This sounds a bit harsh, but this was the feeling, and I did not anticipate it.

With my second pregnancy, I had a very different life.

I had more responsibilities, more juggling acts, more stress, more knowledge of what was to come. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was still happy, but I was also terrified, and I had to reassure myself that I would be able to handle not only one, but two young children.

What got me past this was when I changed the question I was asking myself, how will you handle two children?

To an actual statement: You will handle two children.

This shift in my mind gave me air because I accepted that the first question was unrealistic, and the format shouldn’t have been in the form of a problem at all.

I was going to be a mother of two young children, and this wasn’t up for discussion. It was a fact, and I would figure it out because it wasn’t a choice.

I am not sure how this thought seems to an outsider, and I am working on not trying to care so much about the judgments and opinions of others, but this resets my mind to where it needed to be.

This worked FOR ME.

I am currently five months pregnant and ecstatic to complete our family. I have had time to process and be grateful for how blessed I am for having this growing family. I have learned that it is essential to acknowledge and not cover up thoughts that maybe even slightly controversial. Being true to yourself is crucial.

I have no regrets, and I know this second child will complete our family, but just like the first, it will be a challenge. It will be the most rewarding, frustrating, ecstatic, unsure, loving challenge I will ever face.

It is a challenge I have a little more insight into than I did before. I am currently setting up baby room #2.

I am ready!