Have you ever asked for advice from your meanest friend and been horrified when they tell you to pull yourself together? Have you ever questioned your friendship with someone after they bluntly tell you that you look a mess? Well, according to a study done by the University of Plymouth, they’re only doing it because they care.
‘I’m only doing what’s best for you…’
It’s often a bully’s way of covering their tracks and trying to convince everyone they’re the right guy. But what if the people who are meanest to you do have good intentions? What if their aggressive approach is their way of trying to get through to us and help us get through our most difficult times?
It’s a good cop bad cop scenario. While your other friends might palm you off and tell you that everything is going to be okay, you find that your meanest friend is painfully honest, letting you know exactly how things will pan out. Why? Perhaps to toughen us up and prepare us for a hardship coming our way.
The study took one hundred and forty participants and placed them in a series of situations which they were asked to react to. Some of the participants approached with ‘tough love’ in mind, and those that did were perceived by the researchers to be more empathetic to their partners in the test.
In one case, it was found that a participant made their partner feel guilty for not studying for a class test in the scenario. Rather than telling them, it would be okay; the participant let them know that their procrastination was their fault and that if they wanted to pass, they should study harder. Ouch.
However, the participant wasn’t aiming to bring their friend down. They were – in their way – attempting to encourage them to do better. By instilling guilt in them, the participant aimed to promote their partner to do the right thing. In the end, their game plan wasn’t to hurt their friend; it was to make them see a new perspective that would aid them in their endeavors.
This may also explain parental behavior. Sometimes, young people complain about their parents pushing them to do something they don’t want to and perceive them as being obvious negative. However, this study could suggest that since your parents often want what is best for you that they are just showing you the right path. It’s possible they’re not going about it in a way you respond well to, but in the long-run, they do want you to succeed, and that’s why they do what they do.
There’s a fine line between being cruel to be kind and just being plain cruel. While some friends may come across a little harsh at times, they mostly still act in your best interests. This doesn’t mean you have to put up with unnecessary negative behavior – if it’s giving someone a push in the right direction, fine. If it’s pushing you to the edge, learn to walk away. Either way, you gain a life lesson from those who take their mean spirit a little too far!
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